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A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he thought of me” or “She remembered me.” You need to think of someone to gift to. The gift itself is a symbol of this thought. It doesn’t matter if it costs money.
Gifts don’t have to be expensive, nor do they need to be given weekly. But for some people, their value has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.
Within each language there are many dialects. Below are just a few, but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.
Gifts purchased:
Anything you can imagine how much it costs is less important than the thought that goes with it. If a millionaire only gives one-dollar gifts on a regular basis, the spouse may ask if that is an expression of love, but if family finances are limited, a one-dollar gift can express a million dollars’ worth of love.
Gifts you will find:
For example, a flower from the yard or roadside, a shell from the beach, a special stick, etc. Anything that you give meaning to.
The Gift of Self:
There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks louder than a gift you can hold in your hands. This is the gift of self or the gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs you is speaking out loud to the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts.
If your spouse’s love language is RECEIVING GIFTS:
- Try a gift-giving parade: leave your spouse a box of candy in the morning, have flowers delivered in the afternoon, and give your spouse a shirt in the evening. When your spouse asks, “What’s up?” You reply, “I’m just trying to fill up your love tank!”
- Let nature be your guide: the next time you walk around the neighborhood, keep your eyes peeled for a gift for your spouse. It can be a stone, a stick or a flower. You can even give special importance to your natural talent. For example, a smooth stone can symbolize your marriage, with many of the rough spots now polished. A rose can remind you of the beauty you see in your spouse.
- Discover the value of “handmade originals”. Make a gift for your spouse. This may require you to enroll in an arts or crafts class: ceramics, silversmithing, painting, wood carving, etc. Your main purpose for enrolling is to give your spouse a gift. A handmade gift often becomes a family heirloom.
- Give your spouse a gift every day for a week. It doesn’t have to be a specific week, just any week. I promise you it will be “The Week That Was!” If you’re really energetic, you can make it to “The Month That Was!” make. No, your spouse will not expect you to keep this up for life.
- Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook”. Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that” or “Oh, I’d really like that!” write it in your notebook. Listen carefully and you’ll get quite a list to guide you in choosing a gift. To get the pump going, you can look through a shopping catalog together.
- “Help! I’m confused!” If you really have no idea how to choose a gift for your spouse, ask a friend or family member who knows your spouse well for help. Most people enjoy making a friend happy by giving them a gift, especially when it comes to your money.
- Give the gift of presence. Tell your spouse, “I want to offer the gift of my presence at any event or occasion that you desire this month. You tell me when and I’ll try to be there.” Get ready! Be positive! Who knows, you might enjoy the symphony or the hockey game.
- Give your spouse a book and agree to read it yourself. Then offer to discuss one chapter together each week. Don’t choose a book for him or her to read. Choose a book on a topic you know your spouse is interested in: sex, soccer, crafts, money management, parenting, religion, or backpacking.
- Give a lasting tribute. Make a significant gift to your spouse’s church or a favorite charity in honor of their birthday, anniversary or any other occasion. Ask the charity to send a card letting your spouse know what you did. The church or charity will be delighted, as will your spouse.
- Give a living gift. Buy and plant a tree or flowering shrub in honor of your spouse. You can plant it in your own yard where you can water and care for it, or in a public park or forest where others can enjoy it too. You get a credit for this every year.
(See also the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman)
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