Safety breeds trust, comfort, trust and certainty regardless of the category to which it relates. So how much foundation can be built through a relationship based on this concept? I would think endless. When you think about your current or past relationships, is relationship security a predominant factor in whether you left or stayed?
The mechanics of a relationship
In general, relationships are acquired and maintained based on the same mechanics. In the beginning there is an initial attraction, then intrigue, followed by some form of chemistry. The attraction can be material, physical, or cerebral. This arouses your intrigue, which later leads to communication. Communication then triggers the pheromones, creating the mutual interest and chemistry that takes us from acquaintances to partners. Then, of course, sex follows at some point! We all have inhibitors telling us what we like and don’t like. These influence us to seek out people who match a preset criterion for our likes. Sometimes it’s superficial things like gifts and social perceptions that lure us. In other cases, it’s more responsible things like ambition, intellectual conversation, and reliability. Either way, we sign up to have those things we like in our lives for a longer period of time. And don’t let me forget the need to reciprocate those preferences to balance the relationship.
Where the feeling of security fits in
Aside from love, there is no greater comfort we can have than safety and security. Many of you won’t admit it, but a lot of your happiness begins when you are somewhere or with someone who makes you feel safe. For example, let’s say you went to a party over the house of someone you don’t know yourself, with no familiar face in sight. Would you feel safe and secure? Probably not (unless your Chuck Norris!). While you’re in that mindset that you’re not safe or secure, are you happy? Probably not! Safety does not only come from the fear of physical injury. They may also not feel secure emotionally, financially, or intellectually. The lack of any of these traits feels like a huge compromise, especially in a relationship. Security or certainty is, of course, an indispensable element of any thriving relationship. Relationship security can sometimes be the deciding factor in whether you are involved or alone.
Relationship security factors
There are several factors that contribute to a secure relationship. I will only address the most important ones, namely physical security, emotional security and financial security. Physical security is more geared toward women in a relationship. Every woman wants to feel that every partner can protect her from harm. This factor alone lends an element of comfort when dealing with someone in even the simplest of relationships. Next comes emotional security. We all have vulnerabilities that we are willing to share with someone who we know will embrace it and make every effort not to exploit it. This is a healthy futile relationship. Last is financial security. This is one that has ruined many relationships. Financial security cements confidence in a partner that virtually anything that comes in the future can be addressed and resolved. What we sometimes forget about this factor is that both parties are equally responsible for cultivating this element of security. Almost anyone can be taught in some way to generate an income that supports multiple people. Sometimes we just need to develop our partner into a financially secure person.
With the natural mechanics of relationships working together and the most important factors of relationship security, almost any relationship should stand the test of time. We fall for it too often to let our partners know that we feel like that particular aspect of the relationship is missing. But if you have been involved with someone in the past, present or future who genuinely cares about you and wants the relationship to last, learning how to implement these keys to a successful relationship will not be a problem .
