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After the loss of a loved one, there is nothing more important you can do for a friend than be a good listener. Listen to their grief, their fears, their stories, their joy and all the emotions that accompany the grief of losing a loved one.
But what does it take to be a good listener?
To truly master the art of listening, one must approach each situation with an open heart and mind. Every relationship and situation is unique and requires us to find that space in our heart to open up and allow another person to fully express themselves.
Often we’re in a hurry to get to the next appointment, anxious to make our own point, or have too many “other” things on our mind that we’re not paying attention to the person right in front of us. We have to overcome our natural desire to be the one to talk and just allow the other person to freely express their feelings without interruption. Sounds easy enough… so why is it so difficult?
Why is listening so difficult?
• When it comes to grief, it can be difficult to hear the deep sadness your loved one is going through
• You may want to try to ‘fix’ your grief rather than allow it the space to naturally go through the normal stages of healing
• It is often difficult to let go of our own beliefs and opinions about how ‘grief’ should be expressed
• Life can be hectic and it is sometimes difficult to focus our attention on one person
• Sometimes we’re just too tired to listen
10 tips to become a better listener…
1. Keep your attention on the person – not on the millions of other things you could be doing. And yes, cell phone off!
2. Allow the person to express their feelings without interruption
3. Be willing to connect with an open heart
4. Body language – pay attention to facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact and hand gestures – is their body language consistent with what they are saying
5. Listen to both the facts and the feelings in what the person is saying
6. Use open-ended questions that allow the person to express their feelings rather than questions that lead to a yes or no answer. “How does that feel?
7. Listen to how things are said and what is not said
8. Own and express your personal feelings using “I” statements
9. Listen to your intuition. What is your inner voice telling you?
10. Be honest. If you’re not in a place to listen, let your friend know that you love them but are unable to fully be there for them in this moment. Try meeting with them at a different time when you feel you can connect and are free from other distractions.
Giving a loved one the space to freely express their feelings at a time of great loss can be very therapeutic and help them restore balance to their life.
Never underestimate the value of being a good listener.
“One often hears the comment, ‘He talks too much.’ But when was the last time someone heard the criticism, ‘He listens too much?'” ~ Norman Augustine
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