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Your girlfriend broke up with you, you are heartbroken and you want your ex back. So far there has been no contact at all.
Is there a hard and fast rule on how long you should wait before calling an ex girlfriend? And when you call her, what exactly should you say?
Connecting after a breakup is one of the most confusing things to figure out. It’s a mystery that leaves you wondering if you’re doing the right thing, no matter how you deal with it.
On the one hand, you want to talk to her. Damn, you miss her like crazy. You need to hear her voice again. And besides, you don’t want her to think you forgot about her and possibly moved on with another guy, do you?
But on the other hand, she didn’t call you. Calling her may seem needy or desperate. And you wouldn’t want your ex to think this Things from you… especially not if you’re trying to get them back somehow.
So is there a middle ground? A time when it’s okay to call or contact your ex girlfriend without looking like a jerk? Some sort of conversation that actually makes sense instead of tripping and stumbling over your own lame words?
Better yet, can you get THEM to call YOU?
What it means if she won’t contact you
First, understand that your friend not calling you doesn’t mean she’s not thinking about you. The fact is, she probably thinks about you quite a bit.
What your ex is doing right now is ignoring you for one very simple reason: detachment. She has decided that she wants you gone, and the best way to not cave in and take yourself back is not to see or hear you at all.
That’s because the two of you formed some very strong emotional bonds during your relationship. love, sex, intimacy; all the fun you’ve had, the places you’ve seen together, the family and friends and vacations together – these things have forged strong bonds that are not easy to break. And some of those connections last for a very long time, even after she leaves you.
Getting your ex back requires simple reversal techniques aimed at getting them to face those emotional attachments. She should SEE what she’s losing instead of turning her back on those feelings and pretending they’re buried.
So what is she doing? She loses your phone number. She unfriends you on Facebook, breaks up with Instagram, stops talking to your friends, and tells her own friends not to share information about her. That way she can keep going
Should You Call Your Ex After the Breakup?
No, not immediately.
There are several steps to getting back together with someone. The first step is always the ban on contact. It is exactly what it sounds like; You must promise yourself that you will not call (or text, email, etc.) your ex-girlfriend. no matter how much you want it. This is extremely important.
This creates distance between you and your lover. You may find that bad, but at first it’s actually very good. It is human nature to want to be right; Your ex wants to believe that she took the right steps in ending your romance. So to verify that? She often looks at you to see how you are.
If you feel bad? That’s a good sign for her. It shows that she’s better off without you ‘Cause you’re worse off without her. Sounds messed up, doesn’t it? But again, it’s human nature.
Well, if you’re fine? She doesn’t want to see that. It actually reverses her mindset and makes her wonder if she should have let you go or not. A guy who gets along just fine without her is a guy who keeps his stuff together. You’re suddenly valuable again simply because you didn’t care (or seemed like you didn’t care) when she dumped you.
Which brings me to the next great rule of human nature: You always want the things you can’t have.
When to call your ex
If you’ve cut ALL contact and your ex hasn’t called you, there is a reasonable time when you can reach them. While this varies from case to case, as a general rule you should wait around four to six weeks.
“BUT THIS IS FOREVER!!!”
Yes indeed. It is. And it will feel to you like it’s going to double forever because your heart is breaking and you’re dying to hear from her again.
But, you know what? Waiting that long will do something very important: pique your curiosity. She will wonder where you mysteriously went and why you didn’t seem to look back.
That makes them mature to hear from you.
Understand something: calling your ex too early, within the first few days of the breakup, is a BIG red flag. Not only does she not want to hear from you, but even worse, your ex girlfriend didn’t even do it began still missing you
Wait four to six weeks, and not only will she listen to everything you say, but your ex will already be at a point of nostalgia. she will miss you Hearing her voice will bring her back into the relationship and probably into the GOOD part of the relationship when it was all just unicorns and rainbows.
You know the phrase “time heals all wounds”. It does, but it also blurs the bad and accentuates the good. Over time, your girlfriend will forget all the fights and meanness and other bullshit that broke you up. When she thinks back to what your relationship was about, those things will have faded.
what’s left the good stuff All the happy times and cool things and great sex. Your heart will tug at those strong emotional bonds I talked about earlier and reflect them in your memory.
OK, I called her. What am I saying now?
Basically, before you even think about calling your ex girlfriend, you need a script. You’ll want to know exactly what to say and, more importantly, which topics to avoid at all costs.
If you think you can just pick up the phone and go all by yourself, you’re going to crash and burn. In other words, you MUST know what you’re doing. A step-by-step plan is always better than a flimsy approach.
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