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Death ends a life but not a relationship. Have you ever wondered how to keep the memory of your loved one alive? Or how can you form a new and stronger relationship with the deceased now that he or she is not physically present?
The answer is compelling: train yourself to become an expert on love in separation.
Loving in separation is the act of reflecting, remembering, celebrating and doing everything that commemorates your loved one and shows that love never dies. It may involve the use of rituals, symbols, nature, your creativity, or something that used to belong to the deceased.
Your intention to turn those memories into acts of love is all that is needed. Think of intent as a specific purpose to honor your loved one. It is an energy that you can call on to fulfill your desire. Many people believe that intention is a powerful force that already exists out there and just needs to be harnessed. Use it to honor a life lived.
Here’s how many before you have expressed their love in the breakup, which you can build on and change to suit your needs.
1. Talk to your loved one. Yes, it is perfectly fine to speak to your deceased loved one. A woman I know says something to her husband every morning, even though he’s been dead for over three years. It lifts her spirits to start the day and then she goes about her scheduled appointments. She is as perceptive and level-headed as anyone I know and her brief conversations help her and she believes that she is showing her love for her husband.
2. At family gatherings, display an icon that represents your loved one. This can be something the deceased did while they were alive, a favorite picture, or simply lighting a candle while eating as a token of appreciation. The intent is to say that he is remembered when the family meets and is still part of the family in spirit. You can also find an icon to keep in your pocket or purse. I know someone who always carried around a small purse that used to belong to his sister.
3. Choose a memory of your loved one that inspires you. Use this reminder anytime you want to relax during the day or take a coffee break. You might also want to use it as a substitute for a sad memory you were reminded of, or use it as inspiration to get a job done.
4. Although there are new routines to be established after the death of a loved one
Perhaps there are some routines shared with the loved one that can be maintained. For example, if it was customary to go for a walk in the local park on a Saturday afternoon, this may be something to keep and bring back pleasant memories.
5. If you had an extraordinary experience where you are convinced you received a sign or message from the deceased, use the memory of the event to show your love by expressing gratitude for the gift. Write it down and read it occasionally as a sign that love has been given and received despite death.
6. Allow people to speak openly about the deceased whenever the conversation leads in that direction. Telling stories about the deceased and noting characteristics brings back great memories. For example, my wife says things like my father loved this type of bread or he always ate this ice cream for dessert.
7. Consider some of your loved one’s values, traits, sayings, or favorite projects that you could adopt and incorporate into your life. This kind of identification can be useful and life-affirming. For example, many people choose to continue a particular project or help a charity as the deceased used to do. Others are determined to become more open to laughter or to speak up first when meeting someone like their loved one did.
There are many additional ways you can practice love in the breakup. This will help you build a healthy, life-enhancing relationship with your deceased loved one. At the same time, never use these important practices to avoid the legitimate suffering and grief that keeps cropping up over the years. Always give yourself permission to show emotion and face the sadness.
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