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It is safe to assume that if you “win” a good relationship, you want to continue to experience it as a good one. In other words – you want to keep “winning” your partner and your relationship.
No wonder: winning a good relationship means that you feel good about winning such a relationship, both in the relationship and in yourself. You will then do your best to “repeat” your success – to “prove” to yourself that you have indeed “won” a great relationship. Therefore, you will do your best to develop and maintain it as well as possible. compromise if need be; engage in mutual give and take; Communicate with your partner in a way that reduces conflict and increases the sense of togetherness.
Your success motivates you to do whatever it takes to keep having a great relationship!
But do you know how to do it? Do you know how to make sure you’re maintaining good, successful intimacy?
Many have good intentions, but lack the “know-how”. Either they didn’t have a good example, or something in their character sabotage their goodwill, or both.
Many too think They know how to maintain a good relationship. For example, they think they are telling the other how to behave; by controlling their partner; By making all decisions, they ensure their own happiness and that of their partners.
But the truth is, doing this is a surefire way to ruin the relationship. No partner wants the other to be so dominant that they control every single aspect of the relationship (and their life).
The opposite of the dominant behavior is the submissive: there are those who believe that in order to maintain a good relationship, they must be submissive; give 100% to partner and relationship; to let their partner make all the decisions about everything; to love and pamper their partner as much as possible.
They may have good intentions, but again, such behavior could alienate their partners.
In both cases, both the dominant and the submissive, there may be reasons for the person behaving the way they do: messages received at home; examples they have seen at home; the behaviors of the society in which they grew up; their characters; self-esteem (or lack of); their perception of relationships and so on and so forth.
Without being aware of the reasons that make them behave this way (needing to exercise power, being too needy, etc.), they might perceive their behavior as one that allows them to maintain a good relationship without to realize that the opposite is true: nobody likes to be dominant all the time; and no one likes to be intimate with someone who is too submissive. Indeed there are those who love to be dominant and there are those who prefer to be submissive, but in most cases a good balance and reciprocity are the basis of a good relationship.
So if you want to maintain a good relationship, you need to become aware of your behavior patterns; the ways you sabotage the relationship – often unknowingly – and the reasons that lead you to behave the way you do. These are the first steps to making changes that will allow you to maintain satisfactory intimacy.
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