Lately I’ve found that freedom is very important when you love someone and want to have a long-term relationship.
Finding someone to share the rest of our lives with is a REAL challenge these days. We’re too busy to invest the time it takes to nurture a long-term relationship, nor do we spend enough time thinking about what’s most important for a strong partnership.
I think there are many things that need to be nurtured in a relationship: communication, love, respect, commitment, honesty… and freedom is one of the most important. A free person is a person who has the power to act, speak, or think for themselves. True love allows us to make our own way.
When we’re in love, we tend to control the other person and expect them to only do the things we like. If this does not happen, we are disappointed and feel angry or annoyed. When we fall in love, we want to please the other person and “change” our freedom to do what they want. That’s fine, but how long can we do this and stay happy? One week? A month? A year?
It takes time to realize that we are not happy just doing what our lovers want, and when we realize it, suffering sets in. The relationship begins to break down. We start fighting and blaming the other person for not being happy.
Who wants a relationship where there is no freedom to be ourselves? We want others to love us the way we imagine being loved, which may not be the way our lovers show us. We can get an idea of the perfect partner and know exactly how they should behave. When we find a person we like, we bring our “dream character” to life… and our imagination begins.
True love is unconditional, but if we want our relationships to work, we can put ourselves in our lovers’ shoes instead of forcing our own expectations on them or trying to control them. Understand how they feel, who they are, what makes them happy, what their goals and dreams are. When they are happy with their own lives and we are happy with ours, there are more opportunities for our relationships to work. We all have personal interests, desires, challenges and goals that we want to achieve. Instead of trying to change them – and change our lovers – be a part of these achievements, support our lovers and enjoy our relationships.
Here’s what I say about my husband: I want my husband to have the freedom to choose whatever he wants, but he chooses me to be his wife and lets me be an important part of his life… lol.
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