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she sits you down break up with you As the smoke clears, she murmurs that dreaded phrase no one ever wants to hear:
“It’s okay, we can still be friends…”
she friend. You are now for her. You’re as close and intimate as two people can get, and within a day your ex suddenly wants nothing more than to be your friend.
Or does she?
You’ll hear a lot of people tell you that they “stayed friends” with an ex after the breakup. Hell, you might even see some of them hanging out. But that’s on the surface. That’s the way things seem. In reality, however, you understand this:
YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND
You don’t want to either. Because in every “friend” with an ex situation, a person wants the other more and more. There are always unrequited feelings when it comes to breakups because every breakup has a winner and a loser. ALWAYS.
It’s always funny when you hear someone talk about a breakup being “mutual.” That’s absolute bull no matter who spits it out. Even if the couple is bad for each other, even if they’ve grown apart through constant fighting, in the end there’s always ONE person who said, “Hey, this is over,” and the other person had to sit and pretend they agreed, when in fact that was the farthest thing from the truth.
How to deal with being at the end of the breakup
Alright, now that you’ve identified yourself as the “dumpee” and your girlfriend as the “dumper,” you can move on to what you really want: getting your relationship BACK. That’s something you can only achieve when you’ve accepted that your relationship is finally over and not tried to drag it out with some lame “lets be friends” crap.
Honestly, you don’t want your old relationship back. you want your girlfriend back But you want her in a new relationship; one that is free of all the crap that caused your breakup in the first place. One that allows both of you to start fresh instead of having to rehash the same old stuff you’ve been fighting over for months or even years.
Soon you will use some shortcut strategies to change your ex’s mind. It will happen quickly, so be prepared. But that can only happen if you’re willing to do the exact opposite of what you’re doing now: disconnect and move forward. Cut the strings on your past relationship and don’t be embarrassed by holding on to a lame friendship promise.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend Never Works
There are many reasons why staying friends after a breakup is bad, but first let’s take a look at what your girlfriend wants. Ready? Good:
- She wants the reassurance of knowing that you’re “still there,” so it is easier to break up with you.
- She wants that security because that’s the way it is confirms her decision to break up with you.
- She wants to see you upset and discouraged because of it makes her feel like she won when she broke up with you.
- She loves the attention knowing you still love her while she is stay away, safely separated with you.
Do you already see a pattern? Good. Because most guys who agree with the post-breakup “let’s be friends” nonsense don’t. They’re so desperate to stay in their friend’s life — even as something as lame as a “boyfriend” — that they’re willing to forget the part where it’s virtual destroys any chance of getting her back.
If you stay friends with your ex, you give her comfort. Security. Security.
You give her a shoulder to cry on. An ear to talk to whenever she feels sad or lonely so that she can be cheered up.
Staying friends means she will NOT see you hanging out with other people while you wait for her. And yes, she knows full well that you are still waiting for her.
Most importantly, with a request to be your “friend,” your girlfriend has dumped you in that one place you never want to be: the friend zone.
Now the problem is, you want her back. But you want her back so badly that you’re willing to “do anything” to get her, which means you’ll bite the bullet and be that good friend whenever she needs it.
What if you are already friends with your ex?
Have you already made the mistake of staying friends with your ex-girlfriend? That’s easy: let her sit.
Yes, that’s right: end of friendship. No need to be an idiot, just stop texting, calling and posting on their Facebook page.
What if she calls you? Don’t take these calls anymore. Stop replying to their texts and when they come up with cute little feelers like, “Hey, did you fall off the face of the earth?” Make sure there is MORE silence on these texts.
The silence she feels should be deafening. Make HER lonely. Make YOU wonder where you went. And after a few days of it? Respond with a single, mysterious line: “Sorry, been busy.”
It’s none of her business what you do because guess what: she’s not your girlfriend. Think about it: if you questioned her about what she was up to, she would take it as if you were trying to get back into a relationship with her. Therefore, she gets the same treatment.
There are many different ways to lure your girlfriend back, but the most important thing is to have a step-by-step plan first. Don’t act without knowing exactly how to handle your ex’s most common responses and knowing exactly what to say and do.
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