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Separated wives who are still invested in their marriage often look at their husband’s behavior in hopes of finding clues to an ongoing emotional bond. After all, you may be struggling, but you’ve known each other (and been married) for quite a while. You probably can’t turn off your emotions just because you’re apart. And yet that seems to be just what some husbands can do.
Many wives describe their estranged husbands as “disconnected” from marriage and family. Understandably, these women are wondering what this will mean for the future. A woman might say, “In all honesty, my husband was actually sensitive and loving for most of our married life. If something happened to me or our children, he was always there, trying to help and showing his concern. Lately “Two years, our marriage was changing. I would have stayed there, but my husband wanted a separation. The idea was that this break would hopefully allow us to regroup and get back together at some point. I just walked away.” assumed that my husband would continue to care (and be emotionally attached to me and my children. I think I was wrong there as the only way I can describe his behavior is to say that he is emotionally distant. If When you talk to him his voice is monotonous and his face shows no emotion. When I get upset he doesn’t even try to comfort me or make any gestures. Recently my kids and I had a small fender puncture. We weren’t hurt ,our car however.My hubby asked if we were ok but he didnt seem shaken st and seemed more worried about the damage to the car than us.Why should e a man who is usually sensitive and emotional, be so distant? I just don’t get it and it scares me.”
Any guesses as to why your husband is acting this way would be pure speculation, but sometimes separated men try to suppress their feelings because they don’t want to feel any yearning, guilt, or remorse while trying to make up their minds about what they want . Below I will list some of the reasons I have seen separated men act this way. Again, I’m just speculating. Your husband would be the best judge of his own behavior (assuming he will share his feelings with you).
He tries to dull his feelings so he goes numb: People often assume that the person who initiated the breakup will end up blissfully happy and living apart, when that’s not the case. Every time you turn your life upside down and being away from your loved ones, it can be painful and just feel very alien. To temper this, people can try to suppress their feelings by giving off that distant and cold personality. Ironically, they act this way because they either care too much or are afraid of their own feelings, but their spouse often thinks they don’t feel anything at all.
He doesn’t want you to know how he feels: Another reason a separated spouse can come off as distant is that he doesn’t want to let you know about his feelings. Often, understandably, the wife regularly asks the husband how he feels and what he wants. The truth is, most of the time he just doesn’t know the answers to these questions. So he tries to be as honest as possible to avoid further questions. Men often just want to take the time to sort all this out and they don’t want to be rushed. They know you’re looking at their behavior and behavior to find out what’s going on. And they try to stop you from doing so (because they are aware that their feelings are fluctuating and confusing right now). They don’t necessarily want to share the feelings that might change. The detached persona is just a defense mechanism.
He’s legitimately continuing to have a rough time: Sometimes the cold, distant personality you see is a continuation of the man who was struggling emotionally or who was so unhappy that he wanted a breakup. Unfortunately, his unhappiness doesn’t always resolve itself immediately when you’re apart. Sometimes it just takes a little longer. So the behavior you are seeing now might just be a continuation of the behavior you were seeing before the breakup.
That doesn’t necessarily mean it will never get better. Things are changing. feelings change. Perceptions change and situations change. My husband was actually distant and cold for quite a while. I think I made things even worse by always demanding answers that my husband wasn’t willing to give. Because of this, he felt the need to be mysterious and cold.
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