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When you are involved in a long-term relationship, especially an unhealthy one, you often lose touch with yourself and the things you are good at and enjoy. Unfortunately, I know this all too well from personal experience. You can become so focused on your significant other that you end up neglecting your own needs. The relationship takes care of your basic need to feel valued, safe, and protected.
Then, when that relationship suddenly ends, it can feel like you have no value or are completely alone.
The truth is, you already have value. To help you instill that belief and build trust, try these steps. Remember, if you want to build a healthy relationship in the future, you must first learn to value yourself!
1. It is important that you allow yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship. In the process, you may even discover that it is not your ex-partner that you miss so much, but the security that the relationship seemed to offer. Give yourself permission to really wallow and experience the loss for as long as you can take it. I personally recommend Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream and romantic movies, preferably at the same time!
2. When you feel ready, pick yourself up (literally if necessary), dust yourself off, and get curious about what really matters most to you in life. I recommend reading The Passion Test by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood to identify your top five passions and learn how to make them the focus of your daily life. The authors invite you to describe what your ideal life would be like and what you would do.
3. By exploring your passions, you’ll likely discover your most important values. These may include integrity, commitment, self-esteem and respect for others, connectedness, community, compassion, making a difference, excellence, honesty, or safety, to name a few.
4. Discover your natural strengths and talents. Start by recalling an activity that you enjoyed so much as a child that you could do it for hours without noticing the time passing. Keep finding and trying new activities and adventures. I also highly recommend purchasing and reading the StrengthsFinder 2.0 book by Tom Rath. This book gives you the opportunity to conduct a thorough online assessment to discover your top five talents and identify specific actions you can take to capitalize on your natural talents.
T. Harv Eker, CEO and President of Peak Potentials Training, sums it up best in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind when he writes:
Each of us has something special to offer the world. Each of us has our own natural gifts and talents. To be truly happy, we must use our own uniqueness to enhance the lives of others.
Good luck on your unique and exciting journey! Please do not hesitate to share this article with someone you think would be useful.
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