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Space, the last frontier. In this case, it could also be the last nail in the coffin of your relationship.
A friend who asks for “free space” is looking for something completely different. She could also use the phrase “time apart” or something like “slow things down for a while.” But no matter how she says it, what your girl says — and what she actually means — are two completely different things.
What it means when your girlfriend wants time apart
A breakup is pretty cut and dry. You stop dating, you stop seeing each other, you stop sleeping together. You both walk away, in different ways, in different directions, to spend the rest of your life without each other.
A “break” is much, much different. Every time your girlfriend asks for space, a break, or time out from each other, she’s actually asking for two things:
1) She wants the freedom to do what she wantswithout answering you anymore. And yes, that includes the possibility of her seeing other people.
2) While she’s doing this? Your girlfriend wants you to wait for her like a complete idiot.
Yes that’s right. You’re supposed to sit around like a good little boy until SHE decides when she has enough room. She couldn’t ask when the break would be over because she “didn’t know”. Every time you call or text her, she’ll tell you that you’re bothering her and not giving her the “space” she asked for.
In time you will wonder where she is. You will be keen to know the status of your relationship. are you separated Is she dating someone else? You’ll feel hopeless and powerless, an emotional wreck who can’t even get a status update on whether or not he has a girlfriend.
THIS is what you have to look forward to when you agree to give your girlfriend “space.”
What to do if she tells you she wants time apart
If your girlfriend wants to take some time off from your relationship, you need to bluff her. It’s that simple, it’s that simple. Anything else you might do, like agreeing to plunge your relationship into a giant limbo volcano, will only drive it further away…or permanently away, depending on how things go.
You want time apart? Tell her she can have ALL the time in the world because you don’t wait around.
You want space? Give her so much space that your girlfriend gets paychecks from NASA.
It’s a simple counter-attack technique that will stop your girlfriend in an instant and blow up any lame plan she might have had. She sits down with you to tell you that everything is too tight for her and she wants some breathing room (or whatever) and you just tell her this:
“Yes, no, no thanks. I don’t do the whole ‘time apart’ thing. Either you go out with me or you don’t. This is your choice. let’s give each other a shit.”
If your girl is standing there trying to pick her jaw off the floor, tell her to take it easy and walk away. BOOM! You just destroyed everything she wanted to do during the “break” because from that moment you turned her into a breakup.
Now you’re thinking, “That’s not what I want.” I understand that. But you know what? It’s not what SHE wants either. That’s why doing it this way is such an effective tactic. Instead of being defensive you went full offensive. Instead of submitting to what she wanted You just reached out and grabbed all the power.
Why declining the break always works
Think of it this way: if your girlfriend wanted to break up with you, she would have. She would have sat you down and told you it was over, complete and complete, and then she would have walked away.
But that didn’t happen. It’s not what she did. Instead of breaking up with you, she told you she wanted to be “time apart.” This is quite different, and here’s why:
If your girlfriend asks for space, it’s because She’s not sure if she wants to break up with you. Essentially, she’s giving the breakup a dry run. When she misses you and realizes she still wants you? All she has to do is tell you that the “time apart” is over. You come running back and everything is the same as always.
However, if during the trial breakup she decides that she doesn’t really need you? You’re gone. The relationship is over, and the bad thing about it: Maybe she won’t even tell you when it’s over. Your girlfriend might start seeing or dating another guy, and instead of having the awkward conversation of “hey, we’re broken up now,” she leaves you hanging in relationship limbo, wondering when — and if – she ever is going to come back.
Fuck it all.
Refusing the “time apart” thing works because you are showing STRENGTH. You don’t lie down and let them run all over you. You demonstrate some backbone and tell her, “Fuck no, I’m not going to sit around like a chump while you make all the decisions about our relationship.” You’d rather lose the whole thing than give her 100% of the power.
So what is your girlfriend seeing? She sees a man who is essentially independent. A guy who might not even need her, at least as much as she thought you did. Suddenly, your happiness doesn’t depend entirely on her anymore. Your stock just went up. You just got a heck of a lot more desirable as a friend and as a MAN.
What to do when you’re already on a break?
What if you take a break now? you are in trouble Luckily, you’re not completely lost yet.
If your girlfriend has already put your romance on hold, there are instant reversal techniques you can use to change the situation immediately. Some of these require you to contact your ex, so make sure you know when to do it and what to say when you call.
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